We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
