I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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