You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
