any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
