I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
