you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
