Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
