at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
