Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need a beard to bite.
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