How'd it feel making her break her religion?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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