When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize