I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize