Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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