i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
