She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
