Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
