remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
