Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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