i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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