i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
