I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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