Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am one with the molecules
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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