you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize