Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
