The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
