How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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