are you so shy because you have an std?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
