i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
