We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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