We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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