last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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