Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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