I just cut my nipple shaving
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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