alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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