When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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