there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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