mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
