she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize