you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
