I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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