i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
