Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize