This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
