Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
