I am puke
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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