so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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