I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
