We won't sleep together?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
