If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
