sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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