I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
