I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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