I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
