Your face is a jimmy john
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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