It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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