I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We got so high we made milksteak
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
