Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
