You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
