I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
