You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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