whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
then he tried to convert me to islam
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
