matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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