So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
