i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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