i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
