um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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