sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
